Madonna’s taped appearance on Oprah aired yesterday and quite frankly, there was so much smoke in the air that I was looking for the fire.

The reason, of course, that she was on the show was to discuss her recent adoption of a 13-month old boy from Malawi and the controversy that has surrounded it.

A couple of the most priceless moments:

- “What really surprises me is how great my children are with him and how he’s transitioned so easily from living in Africa in an orphanage to living in our house.” First, he’s 13-months old, what sort of problems did you expect in his “transition?” At that age, no child is cognizant of pretty much anything other than does he have enough food, a place to sleep, and someone to change his diapers. Second, he’s been there for what 24-48 hours? To her children, the new baby is still a “new toy.” She has no idea how her children will respond once the concept sinks in that he’s not going away. They may handle it well, they may not. But there’s no way to make that judgment call literally within hours of his arrival. 

- “If only my wealth and my position could have made things go faster,” Faster? Are you kidding me? She tosses a few million dollars around, they line up some kids for her, she points one out and hops back on a plane to London while her entourage sticks around to actually pick him up and bring him to her. Meanwhile, everybody else who wants to adopt in Malawi has to live in the country for 18 months.

This is the absolute height of celebrity hubris. The reason that so many are angry about this situation is that only a Madonna sycophant would claim that she did anything but simply buy herself a baby. When laws are bent to breaking and millions of dollars are exchanged, it’s plainly obvious to even the mildly retarded that - but for her wealth and position - this would never have happened at all. Whether or not what she did is morally reprehensible is not even what I’m talking about. The whopper to me is that she is lying about it with a straight face and flabbergasted that people won’t believe her over their own lying eyes. I’d have more respect for her if she just came out and said, “Yeah, I threw some cash around and got what I wanted. If you don’t like it, too bad because it’s none of your business.”

Popularity: 12%