Britney Spears Unloads Freeloader - Files for Divorce

Britney Spears is finally living up to expectations. After on-again, off-again rumors of trouble throughout her two year marriage, she is filing for divorce on the grounds of “irreconcilable differences.”

So why now? I think there are some significant factors at play:

1) She’s had her children, and he’s not any help with them anyway.

2) Her PR people have told her that her chances for a succesful comeback are pretty much zero as long as she’s still with that laughingstock.

3) She’s had enough of him draining her bank accounts to fund his pathetic attempt at a rap career.

4) The sex tape lawsuit falling through was the last straw.

I’m admittedly speculating here, but I’m guessing this is how things unfolded:

Some time ago, Freeloader convinced her to record their intimate moments. She reluctantly agreed after making him promise that no one would ever see or find out about it. Then someone absconds with the tape and a story appears in Us Weekly, and she’s furious. She tells him that since the whole thing was his idea, he had better fix it and get that story retracted or else. He assures that the lawyers can get the story retracted by threating a huge lawsuit and everything will be fine.

In the meantime, he’s living the big life: going out and partying while she stays home with the baby. He even convinces her that he could be a huge rap star, if only he had the opportunity. Being young and in love, she agrees to back him and puts both her celebrity and her money behind creating a career for the ne’er do well.

The album is finally released, and the entire world laughs at him, and at her for believing that this latter day Vanilla Ice ever had any talent. She feels betrayed because he had assured her over and over again that all he needed to prove all his critics wrong was a chance to get out there and show them how good he was. She gave him his shot, and he rolled snake-eyes.

Then the other shoe dropped with the decision to throw out the lawsuit. Not only has the story not been retracted, but essentially the judge told her that there was really never any grounds for a lawsuit in the first place. She’s embarrassed again, and this time it’s the last straw.

After all, she wants her career back. She’s had her children, and now she wants to get back in the spotlight. His antics and schemes are just holding her back, and her priorities have changed. It’s Britney’s time, and this is the first step to staging her comeback…