02/03/2012 05:30 PM

The 46 Most Depressing Photos Of People Losing The Super Bowl

With Super Bowl 46 looming and yet another team & fanbase about to be crushed in that deflating way that only losing a Super Bowl can provide, let’s take a brief, cathartically-sad trip through the Super Bowl depression of yesteryear with this list of The 46 Most Depressing Photos Of People Losing The Super Bowl. Behold, the singular deflation of players, coaches and fans photographed right after losing the big game, reminding us again that the pain of losing a Super Bowl may be unique, but it’s also universal. Especially if you’re from Buffalo: 46. 45. 44. 43. 42. 41. 40. 39. 38. 37. 36. 35. 34. 33. 32. 31. 30. 29. 28. 27. 26. 25. 24. 23. 22. 21. 20. 19. 18. 17. 16. 15. 14. 13. 12. 11. 10. 9. 8. 7. 6. (Technically during pregame, but had to be included) 5. 4. 3. 2. 1. BONUS: Palate Cleanser Drew Brees And His Son After Super Bowl 43: (All Pics Via Getty Images)
02/03/2012 03:32 PM

BREAKING: Adam Lambert Becomes The New Lead Singer Of Queen

Well, it’s happened America!! Rolling Stone is reporting that American Idol runner-up and favorite person to drink on-camera martinis with, Adam Lambert, has announced that he is going to be replacing the late Freddie Mercury as the lead singer of Queen. Here’s what Adam had to say about the news: The intention is to pay tribute to Freddie and the band by singing some f*cking great songs. It’s to keep the music alive for the fans and give it an energy that Freddie would’ve been proud of. It’s a decision that, while surprising, shouldn’t ruffle too many oversized feather vests. Look, no one can replace Mercury, and that goes double for his mustache. But Lambert’s vocal abilities are certainly up to the challenge for Queen’s passionate repertoire. For example, 99 percent of people who attempt to sing Queen usually end the night on laying on the floor while nursing multiple burst bloodvessels in their foreheads. But Lambert is like a singing version of the chestburster in Alien. The man has no limitations. And what better way to expose his gift to his own fans as well as those of Queen’s than by merging the two? So while this news will may rub a few Queen fans the wrong way (one brings to mind Arnel Pineda, Steve Perry’s replacement in Journey), I say we should be thankful that there’s another person out there with the vocal ability required to carry on Mercury’s legend while throwing in his own unique twist. (ie Lots of exposed tongue, more eye-makeup, 3x as much thrusting.) Let’s also take a moment to remember that Lambert actually auditioned for Idol way back when with “Bohemian Rhapsody,” and did the song beautiful justice. Who would have guessed that 3 years later he’d be the LEAD SINGER OF QUEEN??? Click here to listen to Lambert singing a “Show Must Go On/We Will Rock You/We Are The Champions” medley with Brian May and Roger Taylor at the 2011 MTV EMAs in Belfast, Ireland. You can also check out Adam’s brand new music video for “Better Than I Know Myself” over at VH1 Tuner. UPDATE: Ahead, we have Exclusive VH1 Video of Adam discussing his collaboration with Queen. “There’s more things happening with Queen, that’s all I can say…” For those of you doubters out there. Music Videos – Free Music Videos
02/03/2012 03:19 PM

Michael Voltaggio Shows You How To Make Hilariously Complicated Super Bowl Wings

Are you tired of wings being way too easy to make and always tasting great no matter what you do to them? Then LISTEN UP, all of you who just yelled ‘yes’! Here’s a video of Top Chef Season 6 winner Michael Voltaggio showing you how to make his way-too-complicated version of Super Bowl wings, “Boneless Chicken Wing Confit with Curry and Blue Cheese Disc.” That may sound complicated, but it’s actually WAY MORE COMPLICATED than you’re already expecting, to the point where the idea of anyone ever making this is hilarious: Got all that? Here’s my favorite step in the recipe: Hahaha, you got it, words! It’s basically a real-life version of Ted Allen’s Pretentious Foodie Bullsh*t meal from The Onion, only more exaggerated. (For the record, I posted this video for last year’s Super Bowl, but it’s one of my favorite things ever so here it is again. I’m just trying to help you WOW your friends at this year’s big game, by showing them this recipe so you can all be like “WOW, what a dumb waste of time!” before you eat regular wings.)
02/03/2012 02:47 PM

Madonna’s Super Bowl Half-Time Show: What It Might Look Like

The Super Bowl Half-Time Show is almost upon us!! This Sunday, somewhere around your 1400th Bud Light, none other than the Queen of Nutcracker Arms Madonna will take to the stage to perform in front of the 111 million people watching. Joining her on stage will be Nicki Minaj and MIA, meaning this half-time show will be a great day for both women and people whose names start with the letter M (double score!!) There is already plenty of speculation of what Madonna has in store for us. Will she perform songs from her new album MDNA? Or will she take some mercy on us and perform only the classics minus anything from the Austin Powers franchise? Personally, I think I have some idea of what the Super Bowl Half-Time Show is going to look like… check out the clip ahead. Yes, the gore scene from Summer School. It only exists online in French, but really, you don’t need to know what they’re saying.
02/03/2012 01:15 PM

19-Year-Old Rupaul Looks Exactly Like Tyra Banks

A photo has emerged of our favorite Earth Angel RuPaul back from when he was 19 in — brace yourself — 1979. (I know “black don’t crack” but this is some deal with the devil sh*t.) But when seeing his pic, I couldn’t help but notice how much dear Ru resembled one of my other favorite people on the planet, dear friend Tyra Banks. That perfect bone structure, the amazing skin… THE SMIZING I am hoping that pointing out this resemblance of these two legendary icons will further up my chances of being asked to be a guest judge on RuPaul’s Drag Race and/or America’s Next Top Model, but only time will tell. (They won’t ask.) We have a couple more side-by-sides of these two beauty queens ahead. The resemblance is untranny.
02/03/2012 01:10 PM

WARNING: This Ultimate Sloth GIF Wall Loads Verrry Slowwwly

Seeing as we are really the only site with such an authority to grant this honor, we’re gonna go ahead and say that SLOTHS… you are having the BEST WEEK EVER. Sure, sloths are pretty much always having great weeks, but what other animal could cause TV actress Kristen Bell to lose her absolute sh*t? Nice try, Baby Wallaby, but not even close. And what better way to honor an animal having its Best Week of All Time (one might even say… EVER) than with an Ultimate GIF Wall? See, the irony is, it loads almost as slowly as sloths move. That’s some next level sh*t right there. With thanks to GIF-mistress Lauren Deiman for putting this together, we present to you: The Ultimate Sloth GIF Wall… ahead.
02/03/2012 01:06 PM

Komen Foundation Introduces Pink Breast Cancer Awareness Handgun

The Komen Foundation (the same people from that Planned Parenthood hubbub we just defeated by ‘liking’ our friends’ Facebook statues) is currently sponsoring a new pink handgun in honor of Breast Cancer Awareness Month, for those times when you need people to GET DOWN ON THE GROUND AND BE AWARE OF BREAST CANCER, RIGHT NOW: Discount Gun Sales has teamed up with the Susan G. Komen Foundation to offer a pink version of its popular Walther P-22 handgun in recognition of Breast Cancer Awareness Month… An undisclosed portion from the sale of each Walther P-22 “Hope Edition” will be donated to the Seattle Branch of the Susan G. Komen Foundation. The gun retails for $429.99. The Hope Edition has “an exclusive DuraCoat Pink slide in recognition of Breast Cancer Awareness month,” according to the promotion. “Utilizing the same reliable controls and firing mechanism that has made the Walther P-22 America’s top selling handgun, the Hope Edition will be a limited production pistol offered exclusively through Discount Gun Sales.” Alright! First things first, let’s listen to “America, F*ck Yeah!” five times. Second, isn’t this gun already unlockable in N64 Goldeneye? Third, we could probably figure out some literary symbolism in the fact that the organization that came out against Planned Parenthood also sponsored a device designed for ending lives, but we’ll leave that to Robert Frost. He’s dead? Fine, then the Robert Frost Tumblr. All I’m saying is, Valentine’s Day is in two weeks. Make it happen. (Thanks, @ryeisenberg!)
02/03/2012 12:34 PM

GET THE PADDLES: Jimmy Fallon’s Puppy Predictor Will Physically Stop Your Heart

Late Night With Jimmy Fallon is a show after our own hearts and wallets. (ie I would like to send him all my money without him even asking.) Because host Jimmy Fallon is using GOLDEN RETRIEVER PUPPIES to predict the SUPERBOWL. I mean. Not just any puppies. But like fresh from the dryer GOLDENS. I want to dip their paws in spicy peanut sauce, wrap em in lettuce, and call it an appetizer. Jimmy managed to get an exclusive interview with the main Puppy Predictor himself, Bruce Mackabee of the New England Patriots (above). Even though this clip is only 2 minutes long, it took me LEGIT 4 minutes to watch, as I kept pausing it to send instant messages to nobody of my entire QWERTY keyboard being smashed by my fists. It’s a hard one to handle, puppy lovers, I’m going to warn you. The high you will experience while viewing may not be worth the awful emptiness you will feel immediately afterwards. But I did it, and you should too. What are you guys doing for the Superbowl? I’m going to be doing the backstroke in a mango margarita somewhere while wearing a NY GIANTS t-shirt with an arrow pointing up to my face. And sure, I’ll pretend to watch the Superbowl, laugh and clap along with the others, but behind my empty gaze this is what I’ll really be seeing:
02/03/2012 12:03 PM

WANT: Jack In The Box Bacon Milkshake

I have no idea what this tastes like but I know what those two words mean so GIMME GIMME GIMME: That’s right – Jack In The Box has introduced a Bacon Milkshake as party of their “If you like bacon so much, why don’t you marry it?” campaign, which is actually just a whimsical advertising slogan and not an actual suggestion, as a Justice of the Peace recently informed me. I love that the ad even says “It’s for real,” like Jack In The Box kind of knows they’re cheating with this one. “The new Bacon Shake – we’re not sh*tting you, we really did this!” Just gotta check the Jack In The Box ‘store locator’ to find the nearest location in New York City and the Bacon Shake SHALL BE MINE… NOOOOOOO!!!!!! Damn you West Coast, with your Jack In The Boxes and fancy weather and skateboards and big boom boxes that you blast early-90s hip hop from while roller skating around the boardwalk that runs up the entire coast. I’ll see you in a few hours once I check Orbitz… (via Eater)
02/03/2012 11:26 AM

Dear France: This Poster Is Perfect

It’s Friday, so you know what that means: THERE IS CONTROVERSY IN FRANCE! And this time, it’s slightly surprising. Above, a poster for the upcoming film Les Infidèles (The Players), which are currently plastered all over France, a country lucky because they get to stare at actor Jean Dujardin roughly 15 times as often as we lowly Americans. Well, it seems that this poster is “trop chaud pour la télé” (too hot for TV), as various uptight French citizens have sent in complaints that the posters are too sexy and/or sexist. Versus the real reason to complain: Those legs will never be my own. This is also the first trailer for a French film that I forced myself to sit through even though there were no subtitles and I speak zéro French. It reads (watches?) sort of like a French Wedding Crashers plus brief frontal female nudity (Fellas! NSFW). On the bright side, Jean Dujardin plays a huge assh*le, which translates loosely into “It’s like porn for super damaged women!” I loved it. You can watch the trailer ahead, along with a BONUS SEXXXXXX POSTER THAT’S 2 HOT 4 FRANCE! If you speak French, feel free to translate the trailer and leave it in the comments. I’m genuinely curious. Also, Americans, keep your eyes out for this film in 2014, when it will probably be released here.